Steven Wright 1-Liners

You gotta love Steven Wright!  For the Baby-Boomer, no one can touch him as the master of the One-Liner.  A Hyde parent recently sent me a list of gems.  Although hard to do, I culled it down to a dozen:

1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

3 – How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

4 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

5 – Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

6 – I intend to live forever…. so far, so good.

7 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

8 – Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

9 – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

10 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

11 – Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.

12 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Onward,  Malcolm Gauld