Posted January 28, 2010 in Admission | Comment
Five things I hear from parents on a consistent basis:
- Why don’t they care?
- Don’t they know that the choices they make now will impact their futures?
- Don’t they know that what they do now is shaping who they will one day become?
- Do they understand that the grades they receive now will be scrutinized by college admissions offices?
- Does it matter to them that if they don’t get into a good college they may not get a good job, and if they don’t get a good job they might not be able to support a family, and then they will be destined to live a lonely life, filled with unhappiness?
Yikes! So many parents are struggling with rebellious teenagers who just don’t seem to care. But here’s a little secret—come closer—listen —THEY DO CARE! A few things get in the way:
- BEING COOL: It is not cool to care! In our youth culture today it is not that cool to be worried about your future. It is cool to chill. we like to chill ourselves, and some of us stopped being cool a long time ago, and we’re okay with that.
- SELF-ESTEEM: The kids who try the least care the most! If a child believes in himself, nine times out of ten that child will try.
- YOU: If you worry more about your kids problems than your kids do, they don’t have to!
Teenagers care, they care about their futures, about their friends, their successes and failures, their lives, and their families. Try to connect with your kids and respect the fact that they are figuring themselves out. Let them know that their struggles are their own and that you believe in them and their ability to overcome. Let them know that they can ask for help anytime and that they are always accountable for their actions.
Remember that they do care.
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What a wake up call I had when I realized thanks to Hyde that “Give me space” meant “Do less.”
My daughter wanted to be her own person. I was holding her back by doing things for her that she could do for herself. So I made a conscious decision to step back.
Scheduling her medical appointments, dentist appointments, deciding clothes and athletic gear to buy within a budget, what colleges to visit, and ultimately what college to attend were all her responsibility.
She graduated from American University on the four-year program with a degree in Spanish and Latin American Studies.
This is the hardest lesson I am learning. Also, I am learning to stop making excuses for her behavior. Her dad is in the military and gone quite a bit, she has ADDH, she is tired, and she has so much to do. All the excuses did her more harm than good. We are now allowing her to make her decisions, good or bad, and deal with the consequences. It is hard to watch, but we know if we continued to do these things she would never reach her full potential. What Hyde has done for our family in just a few short months has been nothing short of a miracle. All the years of counseling and we were still in the same boat. Nothing was changing. Now we are all working together with faculty and staff and the change is unbelievable. Sometimes it is one step forward and half a step back, but we are none-the-less moving forward. Our daughter is finally taking responsibility for herself and we, her parents, are allowing her to do so.
Thank you Hyde!